Monday, February 11, 2008


It's here.
I have writer's block today.
I have lots of theories..

Perhaps it is because I have not had more than 4-6 hours of sleep for the last 3 nights during our brief St. Louis trip.

Perhaps it is because I suffer from a feeling of sadness and anguish every time I leave my family because I haven't lived in the same city, state and sometime even country as my family since 1995.

Perhaps it is because I am too busy reading up on all the blogs I normally check and feel like I would be plagerizing borrowing content if I tried to write now.

Perhaps it is because I have 5 days of laundry to do, a Kindergarten Valentine's Party to co-chair, a preschool class full of Valentines to address, errands to run, a house to clean and a weekend of houseguests to prepare for.

Perhaps it is because everytime Grant takes a deep breath he exhales a deeply planted, vomit-inducing, chest cough and wants me right by his side today.

But, I think the most likely cause is that I have that pit-in-my-stomach, what-comes-next, verge-of-despair, simply-awful feeling I get everytime we know we are about to get test results this week. Results come Wednesday, February 13, 2008.

I hate this feeling. I hate that I get it. I hate that this is part of our lives. I hate not knowing when and IF it will ever cease to be part of our lives. I hate that it sucks the creativity right out of me. I hate how it preoccupies me and keeps me from enjoying the wonderful life that is presently in front of me. I hate that it makes me feel like a total hypocrite for writing what I am about to write....



  1. We all feel like hypocrites from time to time...and it is OK to feel overburdened and exhausted. You are being strong for so many people. You are in my thoughts today and I am, right now, sending out a little positive energy just for you.

  2. Thinking about you and praying for you today...

    Hang in there!

  3. I understand how you feel about being away from family. Last June I moved across the country with my new husband. I am still grieving the loss of my family. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever get better? Does it at least lessen?

    Mrs. D

  4. We, out here in the blogosphere, are going to Keep Believing too.

    Thinking of you and hoping for good news.

  5. Oh goodness I totally know what you mean!!! It gets overwhelming!!!

    Take some time.. enjoy.. I hope you feel better soon!!oxoxo

  6. Praying for you and Brian


  7. Angie...I don't think you're a hypocrite at all. Ease up on yourself. You listed several things that will get anybody down. Take some time to breathe. Don't let the blog become an obligation...give it a break if that's what has happened. (I'm bossing you now, in case you didn't notice. :-) You are amazingly strong, but give yourself permission to let go a little. You don't have to be funny. We love you regardless. Hey, bloggers steal ideas from each other all the time. Nobody cares!

  8. Oooh, I sounded like such a nag. You know that what I said came from a sisterly-friend loving type of tone, right? I just wish I could take away the anxiety, probably b/c I'm having some of my own. It will get better. KEEP BELIEVING.

  9. Oh! And because everybody else has said nice, thoughtful things, I've come up with this:

    Write what feels about how you love my blog. That wouldn't be hypocritical. It would be AWESOME.

    Just a thought!

    Glad you're back! Hope Grant starts to feel better and that tomorrow brings good news!

  10. Our prayers are with you! God Bless from Herman & Monika, Rebecca, Miriam, Judi & Esther van Hoeve. We miss you here! A walk to the busstop is a bit lonely now and around this time I get the winter blues! Love your Blog.

  11. Chin up.
    I have to stop myself sometimes because I realize what I'm writing sounds strangely familiar and realize that X wrote about it last week and Y just yesterday!
    I feel ya with the valentine's. I have to get my 4 yr old to sit down and finish writing her name on the valentine's tonight for pre-school and playgroup. Ugh.

  12. Your post was so moving. You & Brian are in our thoughts and prayers.