- With respect to the boyz, I know Brian would have handled all the minor and major discipline issues I have dealt with over the last few years with great patience, a firm hand, healthy boundaries and realistic but challenging expectations. I know he wouldn’t have lost his temper as often as I had. I know he would have remained logical and fair when I fly off the handle and find myself having a heated argument with my disrespectful tweenagers. In short, he would have kept his cool and modeled an example of discipline that mirrors the kind that God gives to His people. That’s just the way Brian did things.
- I know my boyz would have more confidence and would be more comfortable with who they are and who they can be. Brian was uncharacteristically confident in a humble way in himself. He was incredibly comfortable in his own skin and it was apparent to all around him. The boyz would have emulated that same confidence. Instead, they are often awkward, or showing off or simply oddly quiet at times. I look at them so often and lament the young men that the WOULD be if Brian were here to make his mark on them. As it is, there are often times when I JUST DON’T GET THEM.
- I know my boyz would be better athletes. They would spend more time outside and playing at a level appropriate to their abilities. They are both better athletes than me and I can provide them opportunities, but I cannot coach or assist them. Plus they do not take instruction from me very well. Brian would have easily been able to guide them and challenge them and have fun with them.
- I know Brian would have LOVED and enjoyed the fact that each boy shares a little bit in each of the hobbies that he loved and enjoyed. From sports, to nature to a funny flick, the boyz , as they grow up are developing their passions. Brian would have been wonderful at honing in with Grant on target shooting, hunting and he would have thoroughly enjoyed the trail aspects of his program – orienteering, the safety and logic portions. He would have been passionate about learning to shoot a bow right along next to his son. He would have loved watching a movie with Gavin laughing at the same ridiculously stupid parts out loud. It would have been beautiful to witness.
- I know my boyz would be better students. Brian was the teacher between us. He was more patient and had a better ability to explain things in practical ways. He was approachable and helpful. He would have been eager to sit along next to them where they struggle and be involved in their studies.
- I know the boyz would get along better. Brian had a fantablulous relationship with his two brothers. They shared a camaraderie and the same dry sense of humor and very similar interests - fishing, shooting, music, tie dye. But more importantly, they each had and still have a strong sense of loyalty and respect for each other. They get along and when push comes to shove (and even when it doesn't), they have GOT EACH OTHER's BACKS. I cannot say the same for my boyz. The bicker and torment and pester like normal siblings, but some days they are downright MEAN to each other and are more jealous than happy for each other. Brian would never have tolerated that and he would have shaped their relationship into a more mutually respectful and caring relationship that celebrated the others accomplishments and differences.
- I know they would have a better appreciation for music. Their musical interests would be 80% old and obscure music and 20% pop/top 40 instead of the flip flopped ratio that is today. He probably would have taken up guitar right along with them. He would have LOVED that his boyz were learning an instrument because, while he had almost none, never playing an instrument was a regret of Brian’s.
- I know that Brian would never have made the same mistakes I have. I know that 5 years after my death, Brian would be comfortably involved and established with a good woman that shared his values, faith and sense of humor and one that balanced him well. He would not have wasted 6 months of his life with love interests that deep down he knew were wrong twice like I did. He NEVER would have married someone that he had a slight reservation about. He was simply too smart and too practical and too intuitive for that. He knew what he wanted and he didn’t compromise. He wouldn’t have been judgmental and would have tried things out, but he wouldn’t have wasted more than 2 months of his time with someone that wasn’t right. I am confident of that.
INot because Brian would have wanted it that way.
But because that's they way I want it and that's the way it should be.