Monday, December 3, 2007

No Prince Charming

I am finding as I blog more regularly about this and that, there is a lot of power in having these keys at my fingertips and a few people who seem to have a remote interest in what I am writing or at least some sick curiosity. I see how easily it can hurt or cause an undue reaction such as this one:

Brian has been back to work full time for a while now. He has responsibility for a job that a recent retiree vacated, so he does not necessarily read my blog every day. I ask him if he reads it every day that I post, mostly so he knows there is something to read if he wishes. He didn't read it most of last week. Then, on Thursday, he said to me:

Brian: "What's this 'I'm not romantic?'"
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Brian: "Your blog said I'm not romantic."
Me: "Oh, you read my blog?"
Brian: "Yeah, What do you mean 'I'm not romantic?'"
Me: "You're not."
Brian: "I'm romantic. I rub your feet."
Me: "That's part of my compensation for caring for your children and part of your duties as husband."
Brian: "The thing is, you don't want that romantic stuff anyway,"
Me: "I don't?"
Brian: "No. When I try to do that stuff, you tell me that's not what you want."
Me: "Well, then you are doing it wrong. What girl doesn't want to be a princess here and there?"

This conversation made me think about two things. First of all, you can easily be misunderstood; therefore, hurting someone's feelings/pride/dignity with a blog if you are not careful. So, to Brian, "I am sorry if I offended you, but get used to it. I am a blogger now and you and the kids are my primary topics. Just kidding. I will try to get your permission if I am going to write something that I think maybe puts you in a negative spin. This particular blog I did not think was negative. "

Secondly, what is romance? This is so different for everyone. I knew what Brian meant as soon as he said that I tell him it is not what I want. He is referring to expensive gifts. He is right. I don't want that. To Brian, buying me jewelry and flowers is incredibly romantic. To me, it is a use of our money on something very impractical and expensive, and I would rather do something else with the funds. To me, our last Saturday of being shut-in with the kids and a cozy fire and no distractions was romantic. To him, it was a fun alternative to a day of plans gone awry, but not romantic. So, we talked about our definitions of romance.

Here are some things we find romantic.

quiet time together
sitting on the same sofa (instead of Brian in his la-z-boy)
holding hands
dinner for two (if HE gets the babysitter and reservations)
a card or note placed where I will find it unexpectedly
gentle rubbing/back-scratching that doesn't HAVE to end in s__.
a note in my anniversary/birthday/valentines card instead of a quick 'Love, Brian"
inexpensive flowers without a vase (I have too many vases that never get used)
filling up my car
vacations/time away
hearing why he loves me
a bottle of wine next to a fire
seeing him dressed up sharply
sitting together watching the kids play
bluesy/jazzy/big -band-type music

Here is what I surmised that Brian finds romantic:

time with me without kids
anything that leads to s__
buying me gifts

So you see, I have a much different view of romance than Brian. I think time can be incredibly romantic even if kids are around. To Brian, this is competition for my attention. He didn't say that exactly. I am opining here. I think that lots of men think that romance can only be obtained if children are not around. They rarely get their wives' undivided attention because it is so focused on the immediate and plentiful needs of the children. Regardless, it is difficult for someone to be romantic towards you if you never tell them your preferences.

I was wondering what you find romantic. Take the poll if you have a second or two.

By the way PARIS! VERY ROMANTIC for both Brian and Angie!
Montmarte, an artist village in Paris



  1. You guys look great! I enjoy reading the blogs. I would have to agree with Brian that alone time and se_ falls on the romatic side for me ;-). Let me know what your mid-January looks like. I will give you a call soon.


  2. I find it romantic when Randy does my statistics homework for me!

  3. Janna, LOL I also find it romantic when Brian does my homework - dishes, vacuuming, etc...

  4. I too have said a thing or two on my blog my hubby didn't appreciate.

    I have to agree with you about the notes and cards that say mare than Love, Nathan. I have one from my birthday just before we got married. I read it all the time. He doesn't get why.

    Alone time is my at the top of the list. We try to go out on a date pretty often so we don't get too wrapped up in life and forget to take care of each other.

    But my absolute favorite thing is when he cleans up the kitchen after dinner!!


  5. That comment above mine - do you know her? I read her blog everyday. Small world if you guys are friends. Brian will get used to reading about himself on the blog. He'll start giving you ideas - John does that a lot. And I try to ask his permission before I put something that may embarass him, like the Project Runway quote. The other day, John got out of bed without me asking and turned the front porch lights out because he knows I have trouble sleeping when they are on. Considerate things like that are what I find romantic.

  6. Hey lady, have you been lurking around my cheesey shoes?? ;-) I love your blog and you are indeed a blessed woman with a beautiful family. I prayed for Brian as I read your blog today.

    I find a date night and good conversation romantic, love when he fills up my car, listening to our favorite 80's music together and reminiscing about college days, and just laughing together. We don't do that enough.
    Much love,

  7. I've read some amazing things on various blogs that I have visited. I do wonder sometimes, "Do these people know that the whole world can read what they just wrote." It really is surprizing what one can find.

    My blog on the other hand is full of nonsense.