Sunday, March 8, 2009

wit and wisdom

As promised, I have decided to bequeath you with some Angie wisdom and wit.

I was going to start with my evaluation of The Bachelor, ABC's ridiculous reality show. I can think of nothing more UNrealistic than this reality show. A man speed dates several women, makes out with most of them and in 6 weeks' time falls in love with several, proposes to one and usually breaks up a few months thereafter. I refuse to watch this show as I believe it exemplifies perfectly what is wrong with our relationships and marriages today - a lack of commitment and earnest effort towards making things work. Anyway, I did attend a bachelor party - or a Bachelor VIEWING party. I went to make fun of my friends who actually DO watch this show - for reals. I dressed in all white, carried my lace clutch, donned my pearls and wore my hair in an up do with my wedding veil - all in the spirit of total mockery. (and I would post a photo, but I didn't remember my camera and my friend that took the photo STILL has not sent it to me.) I also gave a running cynical commentary during the entire airing. That'll teach my friends to invite me to their earnest partyn for the sake of "some color."

What upset me most about this particular season was that this man, who subjected himself to a public breakup and on-screen heartache in a previous season of the Bachelorette, thus bestowing the same humiliation and pain to several women this season, is a single father. And he exposed his 3 year old boy to this confusion and unrealistic view of relationships and morals ON SCREEN. ABC, you have sunk to new ratings lows allowing this child to be brought into this mockery of courtship.

On Saturday night, I saw this perfect summary of this season of the Bachelor and how Jason will explain it to his son some day:

I figure why go through all the effort to be witty and wise when someone else has done it for you.

My second snippet of wit and wisdom is in regards to the child's haven, Chuck E Cheese's, which I am renaming Future Gamblers of America. I am convinced that Chuck E Cheese's is owned by Harrah's Casino and is grooming the next generation of Riverboat Regulars. Whatever happened to the Showbiz Pizza of yesteryear - the place where we played Pole Position and MsPacman, etc. - games that took our token and we actually PLAYED? My children now go through 20 tokens every 12.7 minutes mindlessly dumping them into random games of chance - games in which you watch the mesmerizing wheel go round pushing a blinking button 1.4 seconds later hoping it lands on the jackpot of 25 tickets so you can get a sub-standard dollar store piece of junk that will be destroyed before you reach the car to go home - causing a melt down of epic proportions. And I pay money for this - lots of money. Honestly, Chuck E Cheese's has morphed into slots for youth. Unfortunately, it is one of the only places to go in this town on a cold winter day and still get out of the house with kids.

You're welcome for walking away a little more bitter insightful today after reading this.



  1. A hoot AND an insightful post combined. I'm telling you, girl, forget about a future career in the accounting field---and head straight to some sort of writing occupation. What's even more amazing is that we (as a culture, and myself on occasion) keep going back to consume more of this bitter drink which eventually blunts our taste for the good-for-us stuff.

  2. That's really funny about Chuck E. Cheese. I've never looked at it that way but you are probably right.

    And as for the Bachelor all I ahve to say is "for shame, for shame..." oh and "ugh."

  3. I'm so with you on both of these things. The Bachelor has never darkened (lightened?) my TV screen. Chuck E. Cheese is definitely something I don't miss from the early days of kids.

  4. Chuck E. Cheese = Future Gamblers of America.

    "I am convinced that Chuck E Cheese's is owned by Harrah's Casino and is grooming the next generation of Riverboat Regulars."

    Angie, you have me laughing so hard! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard about Chuck E. Cheese. Tom and I were just saying yesterday that we are so glad Laura doesn't like it any more.

    I have never seen The Bachelor. Blech. But I love, love, love how you dressed for the viewing party! Good stuff. Can't wait to see the photo.

  5. you made me laugh out loud:) I pray for you all every day.

  6. Amen for the Chuck E Cheese. I personally like the fact that you can insert tokens into the germ ridden plastic ride 'ems for 17 seconds of nonstop entertainment. Until it stops. Then insert tokens, 17 seconds, stop. Is there any wonder why our kids have the attention spans shorter than a fruit fly's life???

  7. I so agree with you about Chuck E Cheese!! Hate that place.

    I watched one episode of the bachelor and was totally disgusted! As bad as he was, Where is that childs mother? Why would she agree to let this happen?

  8. I can't imagine going on a show like that, or getting engaged to a man that would allow himself to romance so many women at the same time (nor a woman who would allow herself to be treated with so little respect). But I love how you dressed up, sounds like so much fun!

    My kids only went to Chuck E Cheese birthday parties so I am not really familiar with how it works, but I love your intepretation of it, lol!

  9. I'm a first-time commenter, but had to say a big thank you for this post. I was so MAD about Mr. Oh-I'm-so-All-about-My-Son that he would do this to his son not once, but TWICE (well, I guess actually three times).

    And by the way, I was rolling with laughter over the "calling a spade, a spade" with the comparison of Chuck E Cheese's and Harrah's!

    Thanks for the laughter!

  10. OMG THE SOUP!!! I have decided THAT Is the one thing I miss most about not having cable. Sure, it sucks to miss HGTV and Food network and even endless reruns of Law & Order on TNT. But The SOUP? I may have to talk to Texan Papa about upgrading from the rabbit ears...

  11. we recently pulled the plug on the TV sweet deliverence. A massive boycott might impact programming.

  12. I am sooooooooooooo with ya on the Chuck E. Cheese stuff! Can't stand the place!

  13. I so want to see the pic of you in the wedding garb! I LOVE IT!!

    Fabulous insights Angie, and thanks for my Sunday night chuckle! :)

  14. I'm with you on everything. :)

    I can't abide any of the reality shows. The Bachelor is about the downfall of our society. Personified. You absolutely HAVE to post the picture of you in your white outfit when you get it from your friend.

    I know you were probably joking about the ChuckECheese gambling thing, but I think you are literally on to something. Kids act like crazed maniacs in there. I never wanted to go. Went once last year, and vow never to enter the establishment again. For all the reasons you've mentioned.

    Love Angie's Wit & Wisdom

  15. You know I LOVE ya....and I KNOW you have a future career in writing!!!! It is a God given are amazing!

    Give Brian a hug for me and the boys an insanely hard "high 5" in my honor....Love you!


  16. I am guilty of watching every season of the Bachelor. Not because I think someone is really going to find true love...but because it's like a train wreck in which I just can't look away.

    You MUST post the picture of you in wedding attire!

  17. More unrealistic fairytale balderdash served up on tv, but like all "reality" shows, makes an excellent escape.