Sunday, January 25, 2009

When a fast appears to be unsuccessful...

Over the course of the last 3 weeks, our church has been participating in a fast. Many of the girls from my church group (for which we are still trying to come up with a clever name) and family, fasted on our behalf.

Here is what I fasted for: Brian's healing and our future provision.

Admittedly, I am not a good faster. One reason being, sometimes fasting makes me crabby. I made up my own fast from a few things from which I truly sacrificed for the first two weeks, but didn't stick to it the last week - AT ALL. Being the primary caregiver and knowing that I am the sole driver, etc. in my family, I felt it very important to take care of myself. Let's face it, though, that is a feeble excuse. I can justify myself all I want, but we all know that God would sustain me if I was doing something for His glory - to bring myself closer to Him.

Do I blame what has transpired over the last week to my failed fast? N-O! Not at all.

Do I think fasts are worthless for those that did fast on our behalf after the events that have transpired over the last week? N-O! Not at all.

I want my friends and family that were successful in their fasts on our behalf to know that I truly believe your fast was effective. While, we are not seeing a physical healing in Brian right now, we are seeing an emotional and spiritual culmination that transcends logic. Here is what I mean:

The first week of the fast, we received SEVERAL DIRECT ANSWERED PRAYERS. Please go back and read those to feel encouraged about our cause.

Right now, Brian feels better today than he has in over a week. While this makes it difficult to accept what is occurring inside his brain, it makes our time together extraordinary. We are capable of discussing things. He is remembering and comprehending just about everything.

Brian is not afraid of death. I have asked him many times, so we can pray about this and work through it. When I ask him, the answer without hesitation or thinking, is, "No." Just NO! I told him, "Then you win, Baby, YOU WIN."

Brian and I have discussed that right now he can be an amazing testimony to his boys about death. In the end, we are all departing this earth some day. Brian has attacked every obstacle that has ever come his way with dignity and courage. Death is no exception. What we can teach our boys in how we handle this is something that I believe will have a greater impact on them than just about anything they will ever experience.

The peace we are experiencing is overwhelming, serene, and illogical. Healing is not always physical.



  1. I've just found your blog and am so sorry that you are going through such heart wrenching moments as you deal with Brian's illness. You sound like an amazing and extraordinary person, and your Brian sounds equally extraordinary as you both deal with this. My thoughts are with you!

  2. Amazing Angie! God is just plain Amazing!!

    So glad to hear that you have had such a wonderful time together today!!

    What a testimony you both are to so many people......(including friends of mine who in church stopped me this morning after service to talk about your story. You are reaching way more than you know.....)

    hugs to you and your family!!

  3. I like your last statement about the peace you are experiencing beingserene, and that Healing is not always physical.

    Sometimes it is so hard to understand why we have to go thru trials, tribulations and sickness, yet we know that our God is in control.

    It was years before I could really cry after my mother lost her battle with cancer. The last night I was with her she was in such pain, and we all prayed for her healing.

    When they called me the next morning before I got to work, and told me she had gone home to heaven, and I went back to the farm, as I walked in, and she was still there on the bed (they waited to have her moved till all of us children got back home), and as I walked in, the peace I felt is what you just described. I knew she had been healed, (Just not the way we wanted her to be healed.) I pray that this peace will continue to be with you as you deal with Brian's illness and that God would give you extra strength. And that you are able to devour and savor those good days that he has.
    You are an amazing person to have such peace knowing what this illness is doing to a person you love so dearly!

  4. Hugs and prayers. I don't know where you pray but in my church we say, 'May the peace be with you.' That's what I'm thinking and hoping for you. XOXO

  5. Someday these posts will also be an inspiration to the boys--you and Brian have worked together to leave a legacy of inspiration.

  6. We talked about healing in church today (James chapter 5) I think you have more knowledge and wisdom about this than most believers. I Praise Him today for Brian's clarity and your special time together. May God continue to grant you His illogical, overwhelming and serene peace. We are lifting you all up in prayer, Paul & Cheryl

  7. Ang, just after my mom stopped treatment and hospice took over, I remember her words. You see, she actually "died" while giving birth to me. She remembers being drawn toward a great light. It wasn't scary, but peaceful and calming. She didn't know, until days later when her mother told her, she flat-lined and they thought they had lost her. Ever since, she said "I'm not scared of dying... I'd just rather not be there when it happens!" (such a comedian)

    I love you!

  8. Angie,

    What a beautiful post. God is present and He is working. Today He showed you that in an overwhelming way!!

    I love you!!!


  9. Do you or Brian have a special scripture that is meaningful to you personally or as a couple?

  10. Has anyone told you today how awesome you are?

    How awesome Brian is?

    How awesome your family is?

    Ya'll are. Seriously.

    *sending hugs and kisses*

  11. Hey Angie, So sorry to hear Brian is failing, but thrilled that you and your family is finding peace. You guys have been through so much and have been an inspiration for me. I've told many people your story and even though Brian's no longer doing treatments, you've had so much more time than I'd imagined you'd get. I know it's not enough and you want more. You'll do great in helping the boys and Brian through this and perhaps God's will is such that from Heaven Brian will always be with all 3 of you so he can help you better. Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

    Tracy Davenport Beattie

  12. Hello Angie. I'm here from Kellan's blog and just wanted to say I'll keep you and your beautiful family in my prayers. Your courage as you tackle this terrible time in your life is so very admirable. God Bless young lady.

  13. I'm here from Kellan's also. God bless you, your family and Brian. I'll pray hard for the peace that surpasses all understanding. (HUGS)

  14. Keep believing, has been the motto all along,
    Keep believing for what? Total healing,restoration.
    Praise God for the change in Brian this week,

    "we are seeing an emotional and spiritual culmination that transcends logic."

    Angie ,& Brian the emotional and spiritual brings strength to the mind, renews to the mind, and then the physical healing can occur.
    Angie,you're fast was very succesful. Did you ever think or ask God about how long to do the fast?
    You mentioned that after 2 weeks you stopped, I truly believe that it was the Holy Spirit gift of discernment telling you as the prime caregiver, that it was better to take care of yourself. For that is a form of fasting too.
    Praise God for this extraordinary time. To have the fruits of the peace that surpasses all understanding being very active and alive in your family. Praise God,take one moment at the time, in time, to enjoy all that God is doing.
    For He is the One who loves you all so very much. Keep believing! Love you Marjo

  15. Finding true peace is an amazing accomplishment. It is a true testament to your faith in God and your love for one another.

    I hope you know that.

    I know you never ever intended this, but you truly are an inspiration.

  16. I'm so sorry to hear what you are all going through. Sending big hugs and a prayer to you all.
    Amanda x

  17. I have been so afraid that, after all of these years of making the decisions about treatment and actions together, that nearing the end you would be alone in the decision making and that Brian wouldn't understand what was happening. I have been afraid that he would be angry with you for not trying harder, not really understanding that there was no alternative. So I have been praying hard for clarity for Brian for understanding and peace and not finding the right word here the teamwork you have had from his first diagnosis. And I sent this prayer request out to several people who sent it out to several who sent it out to several and on and on. So, it appears He continues to work his miracles on Brian. I don't understand His plan, but I also keep praying for acceptance and strength of faith. Call if you need anything. And put my husband to work.

  18. Goosebumps. You are amazing, as is the whole family and extended family.

  19. Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

    I'm adding my prayers to yours.

  20. i am so sorry for what you guys are going through...and i am in such awe at the strength and peace you guys have! you are all in my prayers!

  21. Fasting? Nope, couldn't do it. And I don't eat much anymore! But I gotta say-I love my sweets!!

    I know this must be so hard for all of you. My heart breaks for you constantly. Always here when you need to vent about how much cancer sucks.

  22. What an amazing testimony of the faithfulness of Jesus! We will continue to pray for your family!

  23. I will be praying for you both. I lost my sister last month from cancer. It was so hard to accept that it was time to let go. Hospice did help a lot the last few weeks. It seems that she accepted her death much easier than we did. I wish you peace.


  24. Sometimes we may not like the answers we're given, but at least knowing is something. I will keep praying for you guys. And, how awesome is Brian?

  25. So what can I possibly add that would help? Well nothing other than to add my small voice to this symphony of well-wishers. I am amazed at your courage and so wish NO ONE should have to go through this. Take care.

  26. Your parents gave you the perfect name Angie! We KEEP BELIEVING in angels. You are in our prayers, Monika and family.

  27. God bless you and your family girl. I am so touched by your Blog. You are in our prayer's. The Lord will never let go of you. It is His promise.

  28. God knows your heart even if there's food in your stomach. ;o) I'm so grateful to Him that He's giving you this special time and that he gave those boys such amazing parents.