What happens now?

We had our appointment with the surgeon yesterday. He was pleased with how Brian looked and was speaking. We explained about Brian's vomiting episodes. He had two theories. One being that Brian could have something viral going on that manifested in his inner ear as can happen with sinus viruses causing some sort of vertigo issue. If this is the case, it should clear up on its own. His second theory was that the Keppra (anti seizure drug) Brian takes which recently switched from manufacturer to generic may be causing this. So we are going to start taking the non-generic formula again for the additional cost.

The CT scan Monday looked fine - the ventricles are not enlarged or smaller showing the shunt is working fine. In addition, the tumor has not grown. However, it is showing increased enhancement meaning the areas in question are still considerably in question and probably "hot."

We told him we were leaning to chemo instead of surgery at this point in time. He has no issue either way with our decision.

We are still having issues with the insurance approving the chemo for Brian's condition. Latest we heard was that it could be A MONTH before they have a decision. So, today I have to make that unpleasant phone call myself to implore on the insurance company's good nature to rush this as my husband has not had any treatment for his illness in 3 months and this is our last option. Tentatively, though, we have scheduled for Monday, January 12.

Today we received a phone call from Brian's employer who is offering the company voluntary separation packages. The package makes incredible sense for us if we think Brian is not going to survive for the next 6 months. If he survives the next 6 months, it becomes riskier. After 18 months, it becomes disastrous unless I am back to work at am employer with good medical benefits at that point in time. I did our budget yesterday assuming Brian would be on his short term disability until October and start long term reduced salary in November. With this, it is most likely that I will need to go back to work sometime this fall anyway to make ends meet. This is stressful given the current job market. The major employer in this town is trying to get its employee's to separate in order to avoid layoffs. There is little available right now. I have an engineering degree, but have always worked in accounting/finance. Accounting/finance has changed drastically in the last few years since I quit with the implementation of Sarbanes Oxley rules and more and more companies wanting CPA's. I am not going back to school to become a CPA. Also, I don't want to be at a new job if Brian is getting sicker. I want to be with him taking care of him and taking care of my boys. I want to give my boys stability and love and assurance - not day-care and mommy gone a lot, etc.

I am stressed. I knew this would be the year of making big decisions, but I didn't expect them all to come upon us so fast. I am a mess. Also, I wasn't going to say this because I don't want to do this with any attention on myself, but I am trying a 3 week fast. I am not doing a full fledged fast, but fasting from a few things in my life that I know I can go without. I am replacing them with prayers for Brian's healing and for our financial provision. So, when opportunities like this voluntary package come along, I don't know if it is God's way of saying "here is my provision for the next year" or if it Satan attacking our faith for Brian's recovery. Also, we have to make our decision on this by MONDAY.

Here is what I am stressed about:
Insurance issues with chemo next week (waiting another month is just not an option in my mind)
Making the phone calls for the insurance issues.
Decisions about chemo/surgery.
Making a decision about the separation package.
Going back to work/making ends meet.
Sticking to the fast for renewal spiritually.
Finding a new pediatrician for the boys.

Please pray for us.

KEEP BELIEVING