more tests

Brian spent the entire day yesterday vomiting. Within one hour of eating absolutely EVERYTHING he ingested found its way back out the way it entered until about 5:00 this evening. I called the doc yesterday hoping they would simply give him an IV anti-nausea boost or check his electrolytes for dehydration. Unfortunately, they decided to have us come in for labs and an appointment with the Nurse Practitioner.

Now, no offense whatsoever to nurse practitioners out there, but we are a bit beyond this. Brian's cancer is well-advanced. We have been dealing with the same worsening conditions for 2 years now. We have been dealing with this brain cancer for nearly 12 years. For us to sit down with a nurse to tell her the symptoms is a waste of our time. I knew what would happen. We would see this nurse, repeat our story, state our case, she would have to consult with the doctor because she is baffled at the vomiting (as were the oncologist and the neuro-surgeon a couple weeks ago), she would come back with a recommendation from the doctor (who has time to talk to her, but didn't have an available appointment time for us to bypass this stupid process), field our questions, ask the doctor again and get back to us again.

And, not to repeat myself, but that is precisely what happened. Read above to see how our appointment went today. Moment by moment. Only it transpired over two f@#$ing hours. TWO HOURS we were there from lab draw to the time we walked out. And I should have insisted we see the doc, but I am becoming worn down from all this and I just bend over and then come home and cry. Or cry in the doctor's office. Or cry in the car. Or all of the above.

Anyway, I also explained about the issues Brian is having with confusion and memory. He is also a bit more unstable. Part of this is that he is incredibly weak from not keeping anything with nourishment in him for 2 days. His labs were all fine, though. So, she relayed this information to the doctor and he ordered the MRI for tomorrow, January 22 at 10:00 am. We will have those results regurgitated to us on Friday. So this means that by the end of the day on Friday, Brian will have been in the Cancer Center for an appointment or labs 5 times, at the hospital for tests 2 times, and met with the surgeon once- all since January 5. So forgive me if I get a bit crabby at this process. I think this is a world record for reaching our out of pocket maximum with our insurance. PLUS, I am sick of rearranging lives, appointments, babysitting and anything else every time I turn around. SICK OF IT ALL!!!!!!! And that is with people around me making it easy to handle. I feel for anyone who is doing this on their own. YIKES!

Anyway, Brian's confusion and memory and instability are more concerning to them than the vomiting. So, we left with the nausea basically unaddressed (surprise, surprise - 3rd visit for this reason and nothing comes of it, yet we waste our time going in over and over again). Regardless, the MRI is scheduled for tomorrow to see if the tumor is growing and if there is any swelling associated with it causing Brian's issues. If it is, I don't even venture to guess what we will do, if anything, except start back on steroids to help with the swelling.

To explain Brian's memory and confusion issues, I would use the analogy of Alzheimer's. Not that I have any experience with that disease, but what he is going through is somewhat like you see on TV. He forgets things that have recently happened or why we are going somewhere or where we are going while we are in the car, then he kind of snaps out of it and doesn't remember that he was having issues. He is hearing strange things in his left ear sometimes. Then he doesn't remember that he had a hearing issue. I have to remind him of things many times a day and he will have no idea what I am talking about each time. Then, suddenly he will ask me why I keep repeating things to him. But, he is nice about it and he smiles a lot and is in a good mood about it all. It is more me right now that is having a hard time keeping it all together.

Today, two girlfriends came by to help me clean the house. Thank God. My house is cleaned top to bottom thanks to their help. Bed linens are clean and tomorrow I can concentrate more on clothing laundry. I think Wednesday is becoming my designated cleaning day and I have another friend offering to come help me next week. Pending on how the tests results go on Friday, I may request even more help in this arena. We will see.

I am set up as far as food goes for a while, thanks to my home-girls!

Also, the shoveling of the driveway by my neighbors has been a godsend. I have to keep that very free of snow and ice as Brian is becoming more of a fall hazard. He fell in the garage today getting into the car. I couldn't help him up, so I had to get a retired neighbor to help us. He gladly did so. I begged Brian and even had to throw in some tears to use a wheelchair at the cancer center. I asked him to do it for me, not himself. I can't bear to pick him off the ground again.

I have some other issues I may need some help with regarding automobiles, registration and service, etc. I am waiting to see what happens Friday. Right now I just want to spend time with Brian. All he does is watch TV all day. I can do that with him. I was doing it well right before the holidays. I haven't done it much since the first of the year, but I feel pretty confident that if I get some relief with the household stuff, I can do that very well.

KEEP BELIEVING