Monday, November 3, 2008


Brian's condition has begun to deteriorate further. It is difficult to measure and grasp a gradual change when one witnesses something each day. I equate it to your children's growth. You see them each day, so you don't notice sudden changes in their facial structure, their height or their build. Then you see a friend you haven't seen for a few months, and they point out what has been so obviously occurring right in front of you.

Brian is weakening. He is tired more often. He is more irritable. His headaches still come and go, but when they come, they are vicious. The pain is nearly unbearable, but today we were prescribed a medicine that I believe should do the trick with alleviating that pain. Also, he has begun to have mini-seizures. He sort of looks off to the side for a few seconds, and sometimes his head bobs a bit, or his eyes roll back in his head. The mini seizures just began this weekend, but he had one today in the doctor's office. He is gradually getting less stable on his feet. He started to walk slower last week. He then began to brace himself on walls and furniture as he walked. Today, when we were at the doctor's office, he requested a wheelchair because he did not feel steady standing or walking.

Brian's parents and I have begun to educate ourselves on what happens next. How will Brian progress? What should we expect? He is having another MRI tomorrow. In Brian's current state, he feels too weak and tired to do chemotherapy. If the MRI shows further rapid progression, he will most likely be finished with all treatments and be made to feel comfortable at home. We are trying to set ourselves up to handle the situation at home. Brian's dad is getting a wheelchair today for days when Brian is weak. Unfortunately, we do not have a mainfloor bedroom or full bathroom. Therefore, Brian's dad is also investigating a lift for the stairs.

According to the doctor, if this is tumor progression causing Brian to become more symptomatic, which seems likely at this point in time, we can expect Brian's symptoms to become worse - his right side weaker, his speech worsening, his stability becoming unsteady, and a tremendous amount of fatigue, sleeping a lot. The seizures and the headaches should be able to be controlled with different and increased medications.

I have begun talking to a counselor about life at home - discipline, what and how to tell the boys, visitors, help, etc. I feel good about most of the choices I have made so far and appreciate all the help I am now ready and willing to accept.

In the end, right now, I just want to enjoy each good moment, spend as much time as possible with Brian, and take care of my family the best way I know how to do.



  1. I'm so sorry, I'll keep you all in my prayers.

  2. Have you contacted your local hospice and/or palliative care resources? they can be a great place to lean on, and they will find help you didn't know your needed.
    as horrible as I imagine it must feel, a dignified death can in the end, be a positive experience for the whole family.
    My arms are around you for afar.

  3. Is it possible to be so darn proud of someone you've never even met before? Angie, I am proud of you and for the way you are dealing with your situation. You are making these days count.

    I am praying for all of you right now.

  4. This is Melissa Laurentius' sister...she told me about your blog & I've been following your story. You & your family are in my thoughts and prayers constantly....just wanted to let you know that we're thinking of you!

  5. You have my thoughts and prayers...

  6. Keep Believing,and seeing each moment spend together as many beautiful flowers, in the garden,embracing them within, flourish into awesome heartmade memories,food for the soul.
    Praying for all of you
    I love you Marjo

  7. I'm sending you a great big bear hug.

  8. Oh girl I want to say something profound and inspriring right now but I got nothing. Just keep praying and spending as much time as possible with that awsome hubby of yours. You and your family will be in my prayers!!

  9. We're on a rotating shift to help my dad out with our mom, i.e. my nights are Mondays/Thursdays. If you can get on a schedule like that, it helps everyone know "who's on first," so all can plan accordingly, and the main caretaker (you) at least gets better sleep at night. We have Mom set up in the living room in an electric hospital bed with a potty chair nearby for convenience...items we got from Cancer Services. I hope you've checked out the many support systems and supplies available if one is near you.

    May God keep you in His tender care.

  10. Praying for you. You're in His grip.

  11. I wish things were better for you and Brian. This has to be one of the most difficult things that anyone ever has to deal with. I'm keeping you in my prayers and hope you feel God's loving arms wrapped around all of you.

  12. Hugs. I'm thinking about you and praying too. I just wish I had the words and magic to make things better. Stay strong, it's sounds like you're doing all the right things and your family is very blessed to have you - NEVER doubt that.

  13. Angie,

    We continue to pray every day!! You know we love you and if you need anything please walk over.
    Mike and girls

  14. I am so proud of you, Angie! You are a good wife to Brian - a good friend! He is lucky to have you and so many people around him that love him.

    I'll check in soon - take care - Kellan

  15. You are one of the most amazing people that I know! My prayers are with you and your family! Thank you for continuing to be an inspiration to us all!

  16. Hospice will be a tremendous help--a godsend. Your last paragraph shows what wisdom you have. Holding you in my heart.

  17. We love you!
    Kara and Adam