Monday, October 26, 2009

take a compliment

Brian used to say I was terrible at taking a compliment.

When he would delight in something I made for dinner, I would discount it by pointing out how THIS wasn't quite done or I couldn't find THAT ingredient or simply shrug it off as being OKAY.

When he would tell me I was beautiful, which was JUST often enough to be believable, I would dismiss his words of praise by commenting about the spot on my sweater or my smudged make-up or how my hair just didn't cooperate that day or how my pants were too tight or how I had a pimple on my hairline or how I needed to brush my teeth, OR... OR... OR...

And sometimes he would jokingly and sarcastically say, "EW. I didn't notice that. Now that I know that, I take it back. Yuck."

And sometimes he would say, "You are no fun to compliment because you discredit everything I say."

So, over the last two years, I learned to just say, "Thank you. Now kiss me and prove you mean it." MOST of the time, that is. I still discounted the compliments some.

The funny thing is that today I MISS THOSE COMPLIMENTS. I miss being told I am a good cook. I miss being told the house looks nice. I miss being told I am smart and capable. I miss being told I look sexy or even NICE. I miss being told I am beautiful. I cannot begin to tell you how much I crave hearing those words today. When I get even an unsolicited, I LOVE YOU from my boys, it takes me through the day and into next week. Rarely hearing a compliment anymore is one of the most difficult aspects of losing my beloved.

Because when you stop hearing those things, you stop believing those things. I never realized how much Brian was validating me with his words of encouragement and love.



  1. Angie,
    You are beautiful. You are smart. You are blessed.

    They say that for every compliment you give you will get many more back.

    Start complimenting Grant and Gavin. When they compliment you back in return make a big thing of it letting them know how much you treasure each compliment they give you.

    You are such a beautiful soul. God Bless.
    Karen W. in S.W. Ohio

  2. Pammymisititis - mental condition that prohibits good looking women from realizing they are good looking. (you may take this diagnosis as a compliment)

  3. Thank you for the reminder not to take those things for granted!
    And BTW, I agree with Ricks diagnosis, you are Gorgeous! I know that is not what you were asking for with this post, but it's true nonetheless!;)

  4. You are beautiful but even more importantly than seeing a pretty face on the outside, your heart is beautiful!
    I am sure it's tough not being able to hear that validation from Brian any longer. So many things you never realize you're going to miss until you don't have it anymore!
    Like your blog says... Keep Believing!

  5. Damn girl, you look hot in that photo! :-) (seriously, you do)

  6. You are so beautiful, inside and out. And your boys are SOON going to learn how to compliment their beautiful and loving mom. They will.

  7. You are gorgeous on the outside and more importantly on the inside...I know it's not the same as hearing it from Brian but it's true.

    (Please don't make me kiss you!)

  8. First of all, that is a great photo. You two look so happy and you look SMOKING hot!

    Seriously. Girl crush here.

    Thanks for the reminder to appreciate...

  9. Angie, of all the blogs I used to read daily...yours is one of four that still do. I read it because you inspire me with your honesty, your authenticity, and your incredible cooking skills and cute outfits. (Okay, that last part was just a me giving you some long-distance girlfriend props.)

  10. I know exactly what you mean. I never took complements from Shawn well either. Now I would do anything to hear him say I look the best right when I wake up. (I still think he just couldn't see good in the morning), but you know what I mean.

    By the way, you look great in that picture.

  11. Brian knew what he was talking about.

  12. You truly are beautiful. I don't comment here enough, but I can honestly tell you that I've taken something special away from every post I've ever read here.

    Thanks for sharing these wonderful insights you have that are so beautiful you can't claim a spot or a smudge anywhere that could discredit them.

    Peace to you.

  13. Beauty. My dear, you personify it. Inside and out.

  14. I don't even know you and just read your blog and can already tell how SMART, CAPABLE, and what a GREAT WIFE you were. You're awesome! Treasure your memories that you have of Brian saying all of those wonderful, kind, true compliments. They're still true and you know he still means them! Hang in there-

  15. I think that is a woman thing...I am also bad about taking compliments, like you I make excuses to discount them.

    But you are beautiful, strong, smart, courageous and wonderful! Don't Forget it!

  16. You are so ugly. And mean too!

  17. I can't do it! I take it back, I take it back!

  18. I am the same way and I wanted to thank you for reminding me to thank my husbnad (with out making a face and roling my eyes) and just appreciate it.

    Thank you.

  19. Have been reading for a while, but have never commented. I know how much it means to be told those things, as my husband is so very good at it. From an objective outsider, you are beautiful inside and out!! :) Keep your chin up, you are doing a great job and you are an inspiration to others!!

  20. Such a smart man. How do you get impromptu "I love you"'s from the boys? Inquiring minds NEED to know!

  21. I think it's the little things like compliments that we take for granted... I know you can close your eyes and remember all of the things he used to tell you. I'm sure they ALL still apply, only add courageous to the list as well.

  22. That's astonishing. I mean really, just look at that picture. You are clearly gorgeous. I suppose you're right's nice to hear someone you love tell you how much they love the things they love about you.

  23. Being told by strangers is nice, but it doesn't replace what you've lost. I love the first commenter's suggestion. You will be giving your kids a huge gift while receiving one as well.


    ps: You truly are beautiful and talented. Believe it. and KEEP BELIEVING it!