a decision...quality time....pictures with Santa...teeth...a Christmas Card

I'm not going to post for a few days. Read a bit each day to tide you over. There is a lot of crap meaningful stuff here today.

We met with Brian's oncologist, Dr. G. (no relation to Mrs. G.) on Wednesday. He was not surprised that Dr. K., the surgeon, discussed a surgical option with us. When asked whether Dr. G. thought chemo or surgery was the next best step, he stated that there is no right or wrong answer. From his perspective, a surgery would give him the pathology he needs to determine exactly what is in Brian's head and therefore the best approach to treat it. However, from a clinical perspective, there is no real answer for how much surgery would improve Brian's condition. As Dr. K. stated, it would really be to debulk and buy more time. Dr. K. said for most patients he would not have recommended a possible surgery, but for a father of two young boys, he wants to give our family as much time as possible.

Dr. G. said he would recommend chemo and see how Brian fares (fairs? Aunt Jane, what is it?) for a while and then discuss surgery again if that is something we were interested in later.

The thing is, as both doctors and we know, there are enormous pros and cons to both choices. It just seems from our perspective that a 15% chance of having more problems than Brian currently has after an additional surgery does not make us as excited about trying that option for the sake of more time. More time does not mean as much if the quality of that time is compromised.

So, we are scheduled for chemo on Dec. 29th in the morning as of right now. Ask us next week if we keep that appointment or if we schedule surgery. We know there is no right or wrong decision in this scenario.

The quality of time we have had as a family lately has been immeasurable. Brian is in great spirits and is feeling better. His right hand and leg are still incredible weak and uncooperative to his will, but he doesn't let it get him down too much. And because he has been so much fun to be around and more involved with the kids and such, it makes me even more willing and happy to be his hand and foot and speech when he can't be. Not that there are ever conditions on my help for him, but it makes it enjoyable. You know? He is having less muscle pain and neck ache since he went back on a low steroid dose and is gradually tapering over the next 3 weeks. He even tries to work out. He gets on the elliptical for 10 or 15 minutes at a time and goes very slowly trying to work his body whenever he can.

We have been thoroughly enjoying our Netflix (thanks Murph and Jen) subscription together. We are even taking one for the team and renting a couple for the kids soon. I know, I know. We are saints. Go ahead and pat us on the back. Also, I have figured out if Brian does pass away, I can become a suburban pot dealer. Mary Louise Parker has it mastered on Weeds, so I know it must be doable. Actually, my favorite part of the morally conflicting show (which is also my new favorite type of movie and show in general), is listening to the "Little Boxes" song at the beginning taking me back to my childhood and riding with Aunt Jane in the car listening to her explanation of the meaning of the song, enjoying the irony that today I live in one of those little boxes, but that I am SO NOT made of ticky tacky.

Also, we have been enjoying our morning coffee together watching some news and sports recaps. We just spend a lot of time together - occasionally a lunch date, an early morning snuggle after the kids are off to school. It is like being newlyweds again with children present, but a bit of freedom when they are at school.

As a family, we have been watching lots of Christmas specials and playing a lot of boardgames. Yesterday we went to see Santa at the mall so the boys could tell Santa we would be in Missouri for Christmas Day and rattle off their list of items they desire even though I know for a fact Santa is not delivering the entire list. Santa believes children appreciate more when they are not fed every one of their hearts' desires at our house. When we got to the mall, Santa was taking what we were told was a quick break, so we got a pretzel and I told the kids that Santa had to pee. I knew they would laugh at that, which they did. Humanizing their heroes is one of my favorite things to do. When Santa did not return for about 45 minutes, Grant said, "I think it must take fat people A REALLY LONG TIME to pee."

This is the terrible off center photo we paid the 16-year-old elf $25 to take and print. Ho Ho Ho. We weren't dressed in coordinating outfits and the boys wore what they had on at school, but it captures us fine - with the exception of the top of Brian's head, which is incredibly ironic, because if he could live without it, we would gladly cut off that troublesome area of his body. At least I was wearing one of my most obnoxious shirts possible and we captured the red carpet full of lint and debris to make up for the adolescent elf's spacial challenges.

Gavin lost another tooth yesterday. His top front one. He looks and talks so weird without it. I will get a photo soon. I haven't taken any pictures in many days. Based on the photo above, I should have brought my camera to the mall. Anyway, he wanted to show the tooth to his memaw who is coming for a visit today, so I told him he would have to write the tooth fairy and ask her nicely if she would leave the tooth, but she may not leave money if she didn't take the tooth. When Gavin was 2, I used to pride myself on my ability to translate spoken Gavinese when so few could. Now I can even read and translate Gavinese. Here is his note:

Dear tooth fairy,
Even though I lost a tooth
will you please keep it
under my pillow. Please will
you give me something.


Since he said please, he got to keep the tooth and $2. He told me he is going to do this every time now. And, personally, I think it is fine. It keeps the tooth fairy from hiding the teeth elsewhere in our house. By the way, how long does the tooth fairy keep teeth? I mean, I throw away just about every other project that comes my way unless it is a handmade clay something or other, but what do I do with the teeth and for how long and for WHY? Is there etiquette for this kind of thing? Will they want them some day? I don't have my baby teeth and do not feel that I am missing anything. Am I just not nostalgic? Am I a scrooge?



Speaking of Bah! Humbug! I have decided not to send Christmas cards again this year. I think just about anyone that would receive one of our cards reads this blog at least on occasion, so I am saving a days worth of work and over $100 and boycotting the obligatory ritual again. Brian thinks I will cave, but I didn't cave last year.

For your benefit, these are the images from which I was choosing for the card:










Consider yourself served. Merry Christmas, signed the Brian O'Neill family. You're welcome. Feel free to pirate those photos and add us to your refrigerator. Your home will be more beautiful for it.



KEEP BELIEVING