Saturday, April 19, 2008

If I would have known... (Happy Anniversary to My Love)

Brian,

11 years ago today, I donned my princess wedding dress in great anticipation of becoming Mrs. Brian O’Neill. 11 years ago today, I stood in front of hundreds of people and God and declared my life-long love and commitment to you, and you to me. 11 years ago today, I became the luckiest woman alive.

One month later, we would find out you had brain cancer. The next 3 years, while we were still newlyweds, would bring us despair, surgeries, chemotherapy, insurance battles, abstinence from sex so we could bank sperm for a possible future family, uncertainty, and turmoil. The next year would bring more chemo, a move, a job change, more uncertainty. The next few years would bring infertility, adoptions, another job change and move. We would spend our 10 year anniversary in a romantic little restaurant in San Francisco with your brothers by our sides sharing our eclectic dinners because you would be going in for major surgery the next day to remove part of your brain tumor, yet again. This time, we would be warned of the risks of paralysis and speech deficits, just to name a few. Your brothers shared our anniversary because, well, everyone wanted to share that night with you not knowing what tomorrow would bring. The next year would bring more heartache, more struggles and more chemotherapy. We would live our lives from test result to test result, dreading what may come next. We would find ourselves here, fighting every day for balance between normal and battling cancer.

There is no perfect balance.

If someone would have told me on our wedding day what would evolve over the next 11 years in our lives in detail and asked me if I would marry you anyway, my answer would be a resounding, ABSOULUTELY.

You see, if I had all the knowledge of what I just detailed, I would also have known that we would be blessed because of each other. I would have known that I would get the shot-gun seat to your spiritual growth. I would have known that because of you, I would become a better person. I would have known that our trials, while surreal and sometimes horrific, would shape our character by the way we choose to adhere to our bond, believe in an all-knowing God, and respond to the trials. I would have known that we would have a beautiful family of 4, just not in a traditional way. I would have known that you would bring me joy and happiness and love and strength - emotions so raw, pure, and true that they hurt. I would have known that as I watch you in anguish fight for your life every day living in fear of becoming a family without you, you would be the one giving me the strength to know we would be okay. You would be the one consoling me. You would be the one continuing to lift me up telling me, “You can do it, baby. You got mad skills. You got it going on. You are beautiful. You are better than you give yourself credit. I believe in you.” I would have known that every life you touch has a new piece of happiness they didn’t even know was missing – the laughter you bring, the sarcasm, the witticisms, the thoughts you provoke, the insight you provide.

I would know all that and I would want it all again.

I love you with a indescribable passion,

Your ever-adoring wife, Angie

35 comments:

  1. Congrats on 11 years - impressive! Have a great day! it has gone by fast with a lot of love and learning. your friend angela

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  2. Angie, this is a beautiful tribute. Congratulations!

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  3. Whatever life holds, you know you have something not everyone gets--to be married to their true love. Congratulations!

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  4. You both epitomize unconditional love. Best wishes.

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  5. Congrats and Happy Anniversary! I remember that day 11 years ago - it was beautiful and so were you! You still are and what started that day has grown into something awesome (that word is so overused, but it truly fits here!). You bless me and so many others with every blog entry.
    Blessings to you on this special day!
    Marcie

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  6. Happy Anniversary to both of you. Have a great day. Does Brian know how long you have actually been married this year? Ha Ha. Love you.

    Mindi, Matt and Logan

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  7. Happy Anniversary, Brian and Angie. I remember the day well. (I also remember the rehearsal dinner---oh, no, that's right, I don't...I wasn't there...Oh, why not???) Love, Jane

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  8. Happy Anniversary! :)
    Congratulations!
    What a great marriage you have...what a blessing among the trials!

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  9. What a beautiful letter to share with us. Congratulations on your anniversary! (Ben says that his goal is to be the first commentor on your blog.)

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  10. Happy Anniversary guys. Brian did not enjoy my pathetic "lost the wedding ring" prank on your wedding day. It lasted about three seconds.

    I don't remember much about the ceremony as I was remembering back fondly of Mike Shannon's the night before. As a Cardinal fan, I could go there every day and just stare at the walls (and drink of course).

    Enjoy your day.

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  11. congratulations! that was beautiful. you have a beautiful relationship! now i need to go catch up on the posts i've been missing!!! my reader did not notify me for some reason...

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  12. Happy Anniversary. I remember the wedding well, and the years leading up to it, and the years following. John and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. I'm so glad that we have been able to stay a part of your lives.

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  13. That is so wonderful... you sound as in love now as you were then, if not more, and I couldn't be happier for you!

    Happy 11th anniversary and may the time to come bring you even more love and passion then you feel even now.

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  14. Happy 11th anniversary!!!!

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  15. What a beautiful eloquent message. Congratulations on 11 years!

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  16. Happy Anniversary!! What a wonderful post...what a wonderful couple!

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  17. Happy Day!!! I love your wedding picture!

    Sweet words to your man!

    Congrats!

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  18. Happy Anniversary! What an amazing love story! :)

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  19. Happy Anniversary Brian and Angie!!

    We love you both,

    Andrea and Brian

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  20. Happy Anniversary! What a beautiful post, you made me smile:)

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  21. Angie this was beautiful! You two are truly an amazing couple! Happy Anniversary!

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  22. Congratulations on your 11 years together. Beautiful post!

    Maureen
    Blog Hoppin'

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  23. Congrats Angie and Brian!

    You guys are a force to be reckoned with!

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  24. oh, this is amazing. you are indeed, both incredibly lucky, and so blessed.

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  25. Angie and Brian,

    Your story is beautiful. A story of a love and a bond that becomes even stronger BECAUSE of trials not in spite of them... because both of you turn to God and one another when something outside that inner circle threatens to steal your joy.

    I've never met you, but we share the same Father... and so, I just want you to know that you've a larger family than you think, and we love and pray for you to have the very best...

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  26. Happy Anniversary!! I kind of remember the wedding reception. I believe that I was at the table with Pete, Marino, Val, Bushey, etc... in some aspects it seems just like yesterday.

    Congrats!

    HUD

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  27. Yes!! How beautiful this love is!!

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  28. What a gorgeous tribute - you are lucky to have each other. HAppy anniversary and KEEP BELIEVING!

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  29. Congratulations....Beautiful post.

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  30. Love you guys! Happy anniversary.
    Kara

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  31. Wow. This is my first visit here (Kimmylyn at Jogging in Circles sent me) and this is just so beautiful. My husband and I are getting ready to celebrate 11 years together.

    There but for the grace of God, go I.

    Your family is in my prayers. Happy (belated) Anniversary.

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  32. Happy Anniversary. What an absolutely amazing statement of love and devotion. The whole time I was reading it I was hearing this song in my head.

    In This Life

    Aren't we blessed to have men who make us feel so loved.

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  33. What a beautiful wedding picture!

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