loss of words

Dear Brian,

I have been thinking lately that there are a few words in the English language that do not do justice to what I am feeling. I have searched in the thesaurus to try to find an equivalent that can measure the magnitude of what I am feeling, but I have come up short each time.

First of all, "gratitude" and "thank you." Those words are completely inadequate for trying to appropriately thank people for their generosity and support in the last two months.

Secondly, "sad," "depressed," and "grief," are words that don't touch how low I sometimes feel.

Third, "never." The word NEVER is overused in our English slang today. We have butchered and desensitized ourselves to the true finality of the word NEVER. We say things like, "I would NEVER do that," or "You're NEVER going to catch me," etc. We say things like this, but we mean them figuratively. I will LITERALLY NEVER see your human body again. I will NEVER feel you sleep next to me again. Your parents will NEVER see you grow older and successful. Your brothers will NEVER play cards with you again. Gavin and Grant will NEVER have their Daddy to read to them or play catch with them. NEVER. It is so final and yet it lacks magnitude.

Other words and phrases that seem insufficient to capture the true essence of how I am feeling:

lonely
guilty
awkward
pathetic
lazy

Lastly, to say, "I miss you" is like describing outer space as "vast." The word could be used to describe the Grand Canyon as well as Outer Space yet the Grand Canyon is a spec in the scope of that analogy. The words "I miss you" fall pitifully short.


But because I cannot find another word to use on earth, I will say it again:

I miss you, Brian. I love you.

KEEP BELIEVING