Tuesday, May 26, 2009

quit it

Dear Brian,

Okay. It is time to cut out the joke. I am ready for you to come home now. It no longer feels like you are just on a trip or away for a while. It's been too long. I miss you so much. I am ready for you to come home now. I just want you back. Why can't you just come back?!? The party is over. Everyone is moving on and forgetting. I miss you. The boys miss you. We need you. Just come back. I don't know where to go from here.

I love you!



  1. AnonymousMay 26, 2009

    You have our most sincere condolences. I just learned of Brian's passing through the Eta Kappa newsletter, and can't imagine what you have been going through. As a mom of two little girls...I can only imagine. After looking at your blog some and the pictures, it doesn't seem like you have changed much at all since the days at UMR with your positive blubbly personality. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Angie (Herzog) Kolb

  2. Your post today breaks my heart for you.

  3. I know you hear this all the time, but I am so sorry. We are all keeping you in our thoughts and prayers girl.

  4. I know your heart is broken and it seems as if the world is keeping going while you want it all to just stop. I think God gave me kids so that I couldn't just stop. Sometimes it really feels as if life would be easier from under the bed, curled up in a ball. He gave me kids so that I had to get off the bed and didn't have time to just curl up in a ball. He knows exactly what we are going through and what we need. I know He is still carrying you until you are able to face things on your own two feet. And I know your boys are probably keeping you hopping! we are still here for you. Just keep processing things and let those feelings out! Keep believing.

  5. Oh Angie.. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.. ((Hugs))

  6. Angie,
    I know I don't always comment but I want you to know that I read every single post.

    I still think of Brian every day. I have not moved on either. What can I do to help you believe that we still miss him as much today as we did the day he passed?

    You are always with us, in our thoughts & prayers. I know that is trite, but really the people we love the most are the people we want God to answer prayers for the most. I pray, no I BEG God to give you peace. I beg Him to make it not hurt so much.

    I wish there was something I could do. I love you!

  7. AnonymousMay 26, 2009

    Angie please know that I have not forgotten, and think of you and the boys every day several times a day. I can only imagine what you are going through and to say that I am sorry is an understatement. It may seem like everyone has forgotten, but it isn't so. We love you, and care for you, and carry you if needed. Keep hanging on even if it is only by a thread, because God ( and us) won't let go!!! I love you so much!! Rhonda

  8. I am sorry Angie. So sorry. I too wish for you he could return. Thinking of you always in AZ.
    Hugs to you and the boys.

  9. AnonymousMay 26, 2009

    We are not forgetting. Wish we could bring Brian back for you and the boys. Let us help and be there for you.

  10. AnonymousMay 26, 2009

    We are not forgetting or moving on. It is something though how no matter the depth of our grief, the sun still rises and sets. Doesn't it know that we just need it to stop and stand still for a while? Or is it part of some Master plan to keep us moving forward even when we don't think we can?

    Each new day forces us to put one foot in front of the other, no matter how much we don't want to. Even when it feels like taking those steps somehow translates to getting farther and father away from the memory of Brian. It doesn't. Maybe it just means little by little the pain lessens? I have no idea, but I know it's by Design and I trust that Jesus is carrying you right now through those steps.....Because even if we are kicking and screaming or devestated beyond repair, the Son will rise again.

    Praying for you, my dear friend.

    Janell H.

  11. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

  12. I hate when I have nothing even remotely helpful to say.

  13. Oh, Angie, this stinks. I hate that feeling that everything and everyone is moving on. Sending you much love.

  14. Oh, honey - Hugs. I only wish I knew how to make it all better. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

  15. Grief sucks. There's no other way around it. When you lose someone, your life stops for a while...and it hurts that everyone else keeps moving forward. HUGS! Praying for you.

  16. Angie~

    I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sorry that we have to go through this. The pain is awful and there is no getting around it. I know exactly how you feel, as I miss Shawn and want him back as well.

    Please know that I have been thinking about you. I'm so sorry I havent gotten to an email yet, I've started one so you will be getting it soon.

  17. I understand. Often the worst part of grief and mourning is long after the funeral. You are so correct. Life goes on....for others. They have sent their cards, flowers, casseroles, donations, etc etc.. but for them, they don't have to live the grief on a daily basis. I know everyone means well and there is no way one can understand unless they walk a mile in your shoes.
    I'm so sorry. I went through this with the sudden loss of my Dad.
    Love from afar.

  18. I haven't forgotten Angie. I pray for you and the boys multiple times a day . I wish I could say more or do something else to make you feel better. But all I can do is pray.

  19. I certainly haven't forgotten about you guys, and continue to pray for you. Last weekend, we took a drive to Peoria for the afternoon to check it out, have lunch, etc. I thought about you a lot while I was there ... especially when we made a wrong turn and had to u-turn in the Caterpillar parking lot entrance : )
    Wish I could do or say something to help take your hurt away, but know that I'm praying that it eases up a bit and you figure out exactly where you're going from here!

  20. I think of you daily, Angie.
    Nobody is forgetting.

    My heart, my love, my prayers to you.


  21. AnonymousMay 27, 2009

    I havent posted here for awhile, but I read each post, and pray for you and the boys each time you pop into my mind. I remember when my Mom died, I was so annoyed that the sun would come up each day, the birds still sang, people would still go to work, drive their cars, go shopping, make plans!! How could they? How could people just go on like nothing was any different!! Didn't they know my Mom just died!! Didn't they know that my life just came to a stop?? I don't know how I got through that time.. it was hard.. but looking back I know God was there, and guiding my thoughts to recovery, and helping me to feel confident in being alone without her. It takes time.. nearly always it will take a year. I don't know you, have never heard your voice, or seen your face. But I love you as a christian sister would.. I hold you up in prayer.. and will continue as long as your a friend on this blog.. I pray that today will bring you closer to God, and that He will give you strength for each day, We never will forget your wonderful husband..or the depth of your love for him.. God's Blessings, Lis from Wa. state..

  22. Angie,
    We haven't forgot.
    We haven't forgot Brian.
    We haven't forgot Angie.
    We haven't forgot Gavin.
    We haven't forgot Grant.

    All of you are in our prayers.

    I check your blog daily to see how you are doing. Sometimes I check it more than once when you haven't posted for a while.

    It must be very hard to display all your emotions and tears to the world. Just remember that we are here for you and ready to support you in any way possible.

    Karen W. in S.W. Ohio

  23. AnonymousMay 27, 2009

    Angie - taking each step forward must be so painful. I think about you EVERY day. You are loved and prayed for by so many of us, we just don't know what to do, just like before, so we don't do anything concrete. Please let us know...if you are able...some small ways we can help you take these small steps. Love, Karye

  24. AnonymousMay 27, 2009

    I used to dream that I would hear Angel crying in the middle of the night. I used to get mad at women who complained about their colicky babies. It wasn't "natural" to bury someone so young. We aren't taught to handle that kind of loss.

    Grief....it's a process. It's not a timeline. It's a journey.

    You are so loved. You are not alone.

  25. Angie, please please please know you are in my heart.

  26. I know it won't help, but there are hundreds of us who HAVE NOT forgotten him. Though I didn't know him or comment here more than once or twice, I still remember the love you two shared...

  27. Always here and thinking about you. I never heard back about the success of May 16th - the keep believing event. Trying to reach you....