Monday, December 7, 2009

something that bugs me

Some days it bothers me that everyone, myself included, trivializes what Brian endured as though it were MY cross and burden. This may not make sense, but it seems as though Brian's illness is often equated to a pawn in the chess game of MY life rather than his own, like his slow decline and his eventual inability to get around and speak was something I had to endure. Just because he died, his illness was still HIS illness. How he handled it and how he carried on despite it all can never be discounted. I guess part of this bothering me is how quickly everyone, including myself, seems to forget Brian. I worry his mark on this earth will be falsely credited to me.

Does this make any sense?



  1. Yes and no. Yes, because it was his illness and he carried himself with undeniable dignity. No, because you both were soul mates, therefore, you endured his illness as well...He lived with it and you lived with it.

  2. It makes sense. But because you are the one left here on earth people relate to you. Know what I mean? I think they will always remember Brian, and also remember him through you.
    I think my mom worried about the same thing as you (my dad had a very long battle with Alzheimer's and she cared for him) but though I give her all the credit in the world for caring for him as she did, I do not discredit what my father went through. I think people can do both, but maybe you hear praise for you more often because people are talking to you. Am I making any sense?

    Anyway. Yes. You make perfect sense.

  3. Angie, I'm an occasional visitor to your blog, and so I feel like I shouldn't intrude with comments, but here I have to say, it sounds as if you might be beating -yourself- up just alittle for having felt sometimes that it was a cross you also bore, because that is absolutely the truth, it was your heartbreak as well as Brians. No trivializing Brians pain and suffering and valiant fight.. just moving forward..and relating to YOU, because you are still here..and you have a life to live.

  4. I think you just love him so much you feel defensive on his behalf. I think what happened to him AND how it effected you are different, but both sad, stories.

    We can't encourage him to carry on, but we can you, and so we do.

  5. Yep. You make sense.

    He had his journey, and you have yours. And there was the shared part.

    It's hard to color in the lines sometimes.

  6. Angie,
    No one will ever forget the brave battle Brian endured to stay with you and his family.
    No one will ever forget the graciousness that endeared Brian to all of us.
    We will remember him through every post you have on this blog.
    We will remember him through each picture of you, Gavin and Grant that we see as you progress through the remainder of your lives.
    You see, we love you even if we are not a physical part of your lives.
    Karen W. in S.W. Ohio

  7. I am certain that those who knew Brian and loved Brian will remember his life as more than just fighting this illness. They remember the whole of his life, all the silly times, good times and yes, even the bad ones. Those who really know you will also focus on the whole of your life, the good times, the bad times, the silly times You cannot control what others think so stop trying! Just LIVE your life, it will speak for itself, Brian's certainly does.

  8. I can certainly see where you're coming from, Angie!

  9. It absolutely makes sense.

  10. I linked you in a blog that discusses my fears of having a tragedy like what happened to your husband and you happen to my husband or I. Just wanted to let you know. I totally understand if you don't want to read it.

  11. Teri (Laurentius) MooneyDecember 09, 2009

    Makes complete sense, Angie. Praying for you daily! You are a wonderful Christian woman who is raising two great kids and doing an awesome job. Believe me, Brian made such a major impact on so many lives, he will not be easily forgotten. Stay the course, my friend and remember you are only accountable to one person, and that is our Lord Jesus Christ.