almost got what I asked for

On Monday, I lamented about my boys growing up, about how parenting is in the end, all about letting go, about watching them spread their wings and begin to soar without me and how difficult that is, about how secretly I wish they needed me as much as I want to be needed, bla bla bla, sap sap sap, pity pity pity….

On Wednesday, I put Grant on the bus for the first time. There is something you need to understand about Grant first. Grant is all tough guy on the exterior. Grant is the kid that you sometimes don’t want your kid to play with because he will inevitably find his way across the street you just forbade him to cross. He is the kid that will gang up on your kid if he sees an easy target and another kid is bullying first. He is the kid that will throw food in your living room/garage/wherever if he sees someone else do it first and thinks he can get away with it just because he has always wanted to do it. He is the kid that HAS dumped his water bottle that I JUST told him he couldn’t have so he could PEE in it and then dumped that pee in my outside planters and then got himself ANOTHER water bottle to drink. He is THAT kid. I battle and struggle with Grant DAILY regarding making good choices NO MATTER WHAT CHOICES ANYONE ELSE IS MAKING. Sometimes it sinks in. Sometimes it doesn’t. The Grant above is the Grant that most people see. Those that know him best also know he is surprisingly uncomfortable being the center of attention. He is uneasy in new situations. He is shy meeting new people. He is also tender and affectionate. He still loves to be held and he adores his mommy. He does, what can I say?

Anyway, I put Grant on the bus for the first time on Wednesday morning. I had my camera all ready and the neighbor boys he pals around with (grade 3 and 5) were at the stop, too. The neighbor boys’ mom told the neighbor boys to wait to get on the bus until Grant went first and I could get my photo. So, they did. Grant hopped up the first step and I shouted, “Grant, turn around so I can get your picture.” Mrs. T, the best bus driver in the whole world, stuck her hand out and said, “Grant, wait.” (so I could get my picture) He takes this as a sign of having done something wrong, while being the center of attention in a new situation (see above), and runs off the bus sobbing into my leg. Whoa! What?

I begged him to get back on the bus assuring him he did nothing wrong. Mrs. T. apologized and begged him to get back on. Suddenly, visions of “getting what I asked for” flooded my brain and I foresaw myself dropping off my 22 year old college senior in front of his lab cuz he never got comfortable riding the bus as a Kindergartener. Okay, so I exaggerate, but I did foresee myself driving my Kindergartener to school for the next few weeks. I quickly realized that I WANT him to grow up and do it well. Especially in situations where he has no choice. The bus driver let me ride around the corner to the next stop with Grant where he allowed me to get off and he rode by himself for a while. He did fine the rest of the day and gave me vivid details about the day of school. I love that about him.

only picture I got before school

after school

As far as Gavin goes, he is now in full day 1st Grade and loves it. Loves his teacher so far. Loves lunch and recess. (In half day Kindergarten, they didn’t have lunch or a snack and they rarely had time for recess.) He says 1st Grade is “so easy” and “the same as Kindergarten only they have two carpets.” He hops on the bus without even a wave. He hops off the bus and when I ask him about his day, he ignores me completely and asks me if he can play with the neighbor boys. So, he is giving me, thus far, a huge dose of NOT what I asked for and I am glad for it.

KEEP BELIEVING