Sunday, February 15, 2009

a turn for the worse...again

Saturday night, as Brian and I were out to eat with a large group of friends for Valentine's Day, he suddenly started hearing strange noises. He became confused as to where we were and how we had arrived, etc. I calmly had my sister who was with us call my Dad to come pick us up in the van and said good-bye to all our friends. Brian was unable to walk to the car, and thankfully my Dad had his wits about him to bring the wheelchair.

When we got home, he was able to walk into the house with assistance and he and my Dad watched some TV. He had the volume up extremely high because he was unable to hear much.

Brian's confusion continued. He was insistent on going pee, yet could not make it to the bathroom. We got the urinal, but he was unable to go - yet still insistent on the need to go. He was very difficult to discuss with logically due to his confusion. He was in no condition to go up the stairs due to falling, but was insistent and irritated that I wouldn't let him. I called hospice for reinforcement and the nurse came out to help convince Brian to stay put. She took his vitals and his blood pressure has dropped again while his pulse is over 100. This is "part of the process" - a term I am hearing more often.

After she left, we gave Brian a Lorazapen to help him rest as he was so fitful. It did no good and within an hour or so, he continued with his bathroom urges and talking incessantly - nonsense mostly. As he would begin to drift to sleep, his right leg would tremor and he would talk and mumble more. I was afraid that he would fall asleep and not wake, so I called Jan, Brian's mom. She was up with a stomach bug, but came over around 2 am.

Brian was still not sleeping or resting, so we gave him a sleeping pill around 2:30. It did not work. Brian did not sleep at all. We turned on the TV to help him rest, but he just played with the remote. He talked to Jan if she would listen, me if I would listen and himself if no one would listen. He vomited everything he ate over the course of the night, too.

This morning, with the house stirring and everyone waking, he is still confused and talking nonsense. Examples: He thinks he has a cup of coffee when he doesn't. He wants to go outside or across the room and thinks we discussed that we were going to do this. I cut off his water telling him that he keeps vomiting, so he needs to slow down on the water drinking. He told me he was going to get new management.

I told the boys when they woke this morning that Daddy got much sicker last night and he is saying some funny things. Daddy can't walk right now and we have to have a hospital bed come to the house. Gavin explained that it should probably go in the Wii room. I was proud of him for thinking that through and offering up his video games. I told him we could very easily move the Wii to another room.


The strangest part of this whole transpiring of events is the suddenness of it all. Friday night, Brian and I went to a local bar to hear a good friend of mine's band play. We had a fabulous time. He was walking and talking and remembering and totally fine. All day Saturday was the same. He was in a great mood and laughing and being his same witty self. This all happened WHILE we were at Alexander's Steakhouse. I couldn't believe the sudden onset and rapid decline.


So, I pray that Brian can find some peace and that his body can rest. I pray that our time can be blessed. I pray that the children are not alarmed.

I will write more as time allows....

KEEP BELIEVING

44 comments:

  1. Just saw your status on FB & came over to check on you guys. It *is* wild that this happened so fast. I'll keep praying!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Praying for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We love you and are praying for you. Anything we can do please let us know!
    Love,
    Jenny, Jake, and Mason

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just saw your status on FB and came to see your blog too. I'll keep praying for you all. Love Jessica Cardozo

    ReplyDelete
  5. We are praying for you and with you....I love you!!!

    Kris

    ReplyDelete
  6. My thoughts and prays are with your family today. {{Hugs}}

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am praying for peace, for all of you. I am also hoping that the request for new management is denied.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I will be lifting you all up in prayer today. There's a wonderful promise in the Bible that states "And as thy day goes, so shall thy strength be." Because of God's grace you will have enough strength for whatever today brings. He is with you, holding you up. He is your strength.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Holding you especially close in my heart today.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Angie,
    We are praying for peace over your household.

    Paul & Cheryl

    ReplyDelete
  11. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

    Roban

    ReplyDelete
  12. Many of the same problems with our mom. Right foot tremors, huge hearing deficit (we hooked baby monitor up between tv speaker and the other part attached to her pillow on the hospital bed in the living room since we were all beginning to have hearing loss from the volume after so many months), sleep problems, frequent urge to urinate, and now the upper resp. crud that's going around. Will continue praying for your family, as I pray for my own.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm so sorry Brian's having a difficult time again. You are always in my thoughts!! Take care - Kellan

    ReplyDelete
  14. Angie, Praying for peace in your home.

    I have an image burned in my mind from Friday night: Brian from across the room, singing and swaying his arm with a peace sign... "Everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine... I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is givin' a peace sign."

    I love you! Kara

    ReplyDelete
  15. Brians tumor has progressed to an area of his brain that is interfering with these normal processes. His actual death may be much closer than you think. You are describing end stage agitation and your hospice nurses need to explain that to you. Brian needs enough of the Lorazapam to help him relax, and also to prevent seizure activity. I am new to your blog I know, and you don't really know me yet. I have worked in hospice. The reason the Lorazapam did not help is that it wasn't enough. You may need to begin scheduling that medication. Your going to need to kick it up a notch with the hospice care. The nurses will explain to you and your children what you are seeing so you can understand it. Your visits may need to be on a daily basis now. I hope for all of you that this part of the process is handled well and I am so sorry. I know you have had your hopes raised again with him doing so well lately. God has given you a very special gift of time. But now Brian is going home to Jesus. He will not get better from these symptoms that you describe. If your hospice has not offered you written information that explains and describes
    "the process" ask for it. You need to be prepared and you need to have answers for your sons. Knowledge and understanding of what you are dealing with will help you to cope. If I can help let me know. kdmcgivney@bellsouth.net

    ReplyDelete
  16. And one more thing: To Mindi:
    What a blessing it is for Angie to have her sister by her side. I know it means so much to Angie.

    Thanks for being there for our girl!
    Kara

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thinking and praying for you and Brian as always. Love you so much.

    Janell

    ReplyDelete
  18. Still praying for you ALL. I do hope that things improve...

    ReplyDelete
  19. O merciful Father, who hast taught us in thy holy Word that thou dost not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men: Look with pity upon the sorrows of thy servant for whom our prayers are offered. Remember Brian, O Lord, in mercy, nourish his soul with patience, comfort Brian with a sense of thy goodness, lift up thy countenance upon him, and give Brian and his family peace, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Angie, the Lord is right there by your side. May you feel His presence lifting you as you walk this path with Brian. Love, Karye

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am praying for you guys. Hopefully he can find the rest he needs... Keep us posted as time allows.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm sorry this has come on so suddenly. I pray for your peace and strength and hopefully more special moments shared with Brian.
    Continued prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am so sorry. I am praying for Brian's rest and your strength.

    Love,
    Beth

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am so sorry for this latest change in Brian's status and have you all in my thoughts and prayers. Laura

    ReplyDelete
  25. THINKING AND PRAYING FOR YOU ALL DURING THIS TIME! JOHN AND NANCY PICCATTO AND FAMILY

    ReplyDelete
  26. You and your family are in my thoughts. I'm sorry that things changed so abruptly but at the same time glad that the night before had joy for you to remember. Wishing you all peace.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You are all in my prayers today. I am so sorry that things changed so suddenly. I am praying for peace and rest for you and Brian. I pray for God to give you strength to continue through this trying time. You are loved and prayed for by so many. God bless you all.

    Ashley

    ReplyDelete
  28. We are friends of Jenny and Jakes and just wanted to offer our prayers fro a peace that passes all understanding. God Bless!
    The Harper Family (from Ironton)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Angie, We're so sorry. How devastating the rapid onset must have been. We are thinking of you. Hugs & love, Karla & Ben

    ReplyDelete
  30. The way that you capture exactly what is happening always amazes me, Angie. I am so sorry to hear of his rapid decline. Hold on to the amazing evening you had Friday and the day you had Saturday. And know that you have a powerful prayer circle around you - from around the world.

    I also love the way you talk to your children, and prepare them for things that may be scary or sad. You are a phenomenal mother.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm a newcomer to your blog, but have put up a "keep believing" banner on mine and tried to spread the word so that other people might hope and pray with you. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I pray that you are feeling that peace that passes all understanding...

    ReplyDelete
  33. Praying for you. May God surround you with his love and hold you in the palm of his hand as you go thru this portion of the process. I know with my sister, it was not an easy phase for us to go thru. We are really never exactly ready to tell them it is okay to go, that we will be okay. God is with us and we are surrounded by people who love us and will help us.

    Treasuer each extra moment you have had.
    Praying for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I don't know you or your family, but this breaks my heart. I pray that your down turn miraculously becomes another upswing. You are so strong, and your boys are so unbelievably lucky to have you.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I'm so glad you had that time to enjoy together! I'll keep you in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Keeping you close in my heart and in my prayers.
    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Dearest Angie,

    These are promises I am praying over you, Brian, and your boys as you face this frightening time. God's Word is powerful. It is sharper than a double-edged sword. It brings clarity and peace in the midst of chaos. What I do is write God's Word down on notecards and keep them with me at all times. I also say them out loud. If there is terror in the midst of your circumstances, call out to Jesus. He is there, Angie. He is in control of the fury.

    He will keep in perfect peace [s]he whose mind is stayed on You, because [s]he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

    God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
    Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea...The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Psalm 46:1-3, 7

    For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

    In my anguish, I cried to the Lord and He answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid...The Lord is with me; He is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies. Psalm 118:5-7

    Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to You, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For You have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. Psalm 61:1-3

    Because [s]he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue [her]; I will protect [her], for [s]he acknowledges my Name. [S]he will call upon me, and I will answer [her]. I will be with [her] in trouble, I will deliver [her] and honor [her]. Psalm 91:14-15

    O Lord, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry. For my soul is full of trouble and my life draws near the grave. Psalm 88:1-3

    Bring joy to your servant, for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul...Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Psalm 86:4-7

    Angie, though your soul may feel chained to despair and terror at times, this is our great God's promise to you found in 2 Timothy 2:9:

    "...God's Word is not chained."

    Remember that, claim it, and may the peace that passes all understanding guard your heart and mind as you lift up all the hurt, pain, and confusion of this troubling time to Him. He wants to hear it all. Love you, Shawn from Tennessee

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hugs and Prayers. I just wish I could do more.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I read this post and, being at a total loss for words, asked God to give me something for you. He showed me this:

    Natalie Grant - In Better Hands Now

    and I knew I had to pass it along. It is 11:15 PM now. I don't know what this day has been like for you, but I pray that you have been wrapped in God's peace during whatever it has brought. xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  40. Good luck. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as well.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Praying for a peaceful night for Brian and for you.

    ReplyDelete

KEEP COMMENTING