I am tired of everything being a battle with the kids and between the kids.
But more than that, I am tired of being the only one that is enforcer and referee. Sometimes I just want to close my ears and walk away knowing there is someone else to handle at least this ONE episode. Only there isn't.
And then I have to put on my happy face and take them out in public and then kiss their little heads and put them to bed later.
It is way harder than I thought being the only one to handle these two little boys.
Some days I just want to put my own self to bed early and cry myself to sleep. I don't want to listen to any more whining and fighting and crying and wrestling and breaking and falling and tattling. I don't want to be the only one to enforce and redirect and discipline and tie shoes and run errands and find sitters and watch games and play catch and make dinner and clean up and maintain the house and pay bills. I just want it all to go away. How am I ever going to go back to work and handle all of this, too??
I guess I am just feeling deserted, overwhelmed and lonely lately.
I miss you so much, Brian. I love you.
Thursday, June 4, 2009