Monday, June 30, 2008

In which Angie can look back and laugh now (even if it is an evil cackle)

The year is 1989. Angie is a senior in high school. Angie is sporting permed hair, electric blue eye shadow, and teased bangs. When she is not in her cheerleader uniform, she is wearing her Catholic high school skirt rolled up twice at the waist and writing IN INK all over the hemline things like: ‘We are proud and we are mighty. We’re the class of 1990’, or the Lyrics to "MORE THAN WORDS" and other Monster Ballads. When she is not wearing either uniform, she is donning her Units belt, over-sized shirt and leggings, or her Guess Jeans (the one pair she ever owned) and her sweaters made to fall off the shoulder. Angie is from the Midwest, so it could be that Angie’s fashion is JUST A TAD behind the times of other class of 1990 graduates.

Angie is feeling pretty cool these days. You see, Angie has a boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend. A COLLEGE boyfriend. This boyfriend, who we will name FRANK for the purposes of anonymity and because his real name is actually FRED (family name) and FRANK is very close anyway, is a JUNIOR in college. YES, A JUNIOR. Frank is also ANGIE’s brother’s fraternity brother and one of his BEST FRIENDS. In fact, FRANK becomes Kevin’s best man just a couple years later.

Back to the story.

Over the summer between Angie’s Junior and Senior Year, Angie and Frank saw each other a lot. They went to movies. They hung out around their parent’s houses. They went to movies. They went to college rush parties. They went to movies. It probably needs not be said that Angie and Frank were on different pages with respect to social life. You see, FRANK was of legal drinking age. Frank was in COLLEGE. When school started back up, Frank lived AWAY from Angie for MOST OF THE TIME. At first it was fine. Frank came home for Labor Day. Angie went and visited Frank for a weekend. Angie even once snuck away and saw Frank for a weekend when STRICTLY forbidden by her parents who also foolishly LEFT TOWN that weekend. (Sorry Mom and Dad, although something tells me you are not as stupid as I thought you were then and you probably knew this).

As time goes on, Frank begins calling less. His letters (which match Angie’s volume in a 1/10 ratio) become more small talk and even fewer. He begins to mention things like “see other people,” “where do you think this relationship is heading, anyway? Marriage???” Kevin, Angie’s brother bluntly tells Angie when she calls for Frank that he was OUT with a girl named TRACY (who is actually Tammie, but Tracy is close). Angie curses and tells Kevin to tell Frank to call her so she could “TELL HIM HOW OVER HIM SHE WAS!” However, when Frank calls, he explains he was STUDYING with Tracy. Or that Kevin just doesn’t like them together because he is her brother. The next time Angie calls, the conversation happens EXACTLY as it just did before, so much so that when Angie calls, Kevin tells the other fraternity brothers to inform Angie when Frank is with Tracy, which is a lot. Angie acts exactly like her 17-year-old self and IGNORES these people in favor of the blatant LIES THAT FRANK TELLS.

That Christmas break, Frank does not come home from college until the Saturday AFTER finals week. Frank says ‘he actually has a final late on Friday, could you believe the bad luck, and then has to pack up.’ Kevin compassionately and gingerly tells Angie Frank is, in fact, staying for graduation because Tracy is graduating and her whole family would be there and expect Frank, you idiot. Angie says no, he has a final and Kevin says ‘no he doesn’t because we have the same classes and I have been home since Tuesday, you idiot’ Even if he is staying for Tracy’s graduation that isn’t so bad to an extent because they are, in fact, dating other people which means Frank is dating other people and Angie is patiently waiting for him to get over it. Kevin says 'Frank is not dating other people; he is dating Tracy, you idiot. '

Frank even stands Angie up on New Year’s Eve showing up AROUND ONE AM after promising her he was coming over to celebrate the New Year with Angie and her brother and her brother’s fiancĂ©. Kevin is not surprised and tells Angie that he is with Tracy, you idiot. Angie maturely handles this like any 17-year-old and has her best friend call Frank’s house around midnight asking for him because parents are stupid and would not at all think Angie is involved since Angie’s voice is not involved. Angie believes Frank when he finally arrives and tells her whatever lie it is she can no longer remember because she is sure he whispered sweet nothings to her about how much he missed the cute mole on her chin that most people mistook for a piece of chocolate.

Angie (before mole removal) and best friend

Because Angie is in high school and Frank is a junior in college, Frank is LESS than enthusiastic about and actually completely unwilling to subject himself to the social festivities that highschoolers find so damn crucial to their well-being. Things like, homecoming dances, prom, being seen outside anything but the movies with a high-schooler, etc. However, late that Christmas break, FRANK decides to humor Angie and come watch her cheer at a tournament game. Because it is a tournament, Angie’s team is playing teams they do not normally play. One of these teams is from a town on the Illinois side of St. Louis that they have never played before and as far as Angie knows, have never played again. Did Angie mention that Tracy is from the Illinois side of St. Louis????

Angie's cheerleading squad photo from that year with a wide angle lens required to incorporate ALL THAT HAIR into the frame. The man in the middle is their cheerleading moderator who simply got paid the extra stipend 'coaches' get on top of his meager private high school teaching salary while doing NOTHING to help or teach the squad. Sadly, he was probably as qualified as ANY of the teachers at Angie's high school to fill the slot.

Frank and his brother walk into the gym, smile at Angie and sit down. Within seconds, Angie sees Frank’s brother laughing while Frank uncomfortably squirms on the bleacher, and she thinks they are laughing at her cheering which is, in fact, laughable. Angie laughs, too, and begins to beam that her friends can finally see she was not making up Frank all these months.

Then, Angie sees a perky crimped-haired cheerleader from the ILLINOIS side of St. Louis team come over, hug Frank and point to someone just down the way. Did Angie mention that Tracy has a sister Angie’s age? Frank gets up, walks down the way and starts talking to someone who looks like they are old enough to be Frank’s parents. He sits there THE ENTIRE GAME AND TALKS TO THOSE PARENTS FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE GAME. He never once comes over, even during half time and acknowledges Angie. However, Frank’s brother does. In fact, Frank’s brother talks to Angie A LOT. Angie thinks he even puts his arm around Angie at one point in time and Angie is pretty sure if she would have looked, Frank’s brother ensures his arm is around Angie when those parent-aged people glance over at them. Angie is pretty sure we refer to that today as “taking one for the team.” Angie is too stupid love-struck by an older guy to see it, so much so, that it takes her about FIVE years to look back on that situation and figure it out.

After the crowd disperses and the opposing team leaves gym is practically empty, Frank finally acknowledges Angie who between sobs and screams tells Frank to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. NO WAIT, COME BACK HERE. EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. I HATE YOU! WAIT, COME BACK, I LOVE YOU, while threatening to throw her Kelly-Green-striped K-Swiss cheerleader shoe at him. Frank smoothes over the situation trying unsuccessfully to run his fingers through her teased bangs and banana clipped hair telling her how much he loves her Add-A-Bead necklace.

However, about one week later, Frank officially breaks up with Angie. Why he didn’t break up with Angie about THREE MONTHS PRIOR will remain a mystery for the ages, since after all this, it is PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS ANGIE IS NEVER GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM AND that he is CLEARLY IN LOVE WITH TRACY. However, Angie still thinks today, that part of Frank oddly still loved Angie a bit, too, and that is why he did not break it off completely until that night when he saw exactly how old Angie was.

AND because he probably didn’t want to get that close to being caught again by Tracy and her family.

Angie goes to Frank and Tracy’s college the next year. Tracy has graduated. She is a year and a half older than Frank who is 3 years older than Angie, making her blond, tall, beautiful, smart, employed and 4-1/2 years older than Angie. Angie forgives them both. However, she can never really look at Frank again that year. She does, however, join Tracy’s sorority, Chi Omega, because it is the best one for her on campus, and because Tracy doesn’t go there anymore.

Oddly enough, Frank was not a jerk. He was not a ‘bad boy.’ He was kind of nerdy, but tall, smart and cute. It’s probably safe to say that no one would have thought Frank had it in him to seriously date two girls at the same time. Frank and Tracy ended up marrying and having kids. As far as Angie knows, they are still happily married today. And Angie is happy for them.

The End.



  1. I am cracking up over here at your expense... sorry :-/. So what brought this one on??? :)

  2. I am laughing with you not at you :) I loved your fabulous description of how you looked (Guess jeans LOL!!)

    Frank is the one who missed out! :)

  3. Great story; great telling.

    The hair is just tooooo much!

  4. Umm, what was the random rant all about? Not that we didn't enjoy it. Of course, I love the pictures. I'm shocked about how you can still, after 20 years, remember all those specific details. I don't remember a single game we cheered at senior year. Or any other year for that matter. I think I even remember going to see Frank with you one time... did I? Ahh, to be young again...

  5. Okay, to clarify. I was mentally strolling down memory lane the other day and I think this is hilarious. The irony that HE NEVER came to any game and when he FINALLY did that we would be playing the team where Tracy's sister cheered and that her family would be there. How stinking hilarious.

    I am running out of things to write about and I pulled this one out of my archives. I have had fun reading other people's flashbacks. Thought it would be fun to do my own.


  6. Oh my lord, woman, we have the same hair-tear off that cheerleading uniform and put on a conservative debator's suit and we are the same chick.

  7. What a cute story! I can't believe they got married! I like Angie better!

    Have a good evening - Kellan

  8. AnonymousJune 30, 2008

    A lot of Aqua Net died for that hair. ;)
    And it's things like these that make me extremely thankful I have only boys. LOL!

  9. Great story. I have one similar but I am too embarrassed to write it down. Maybe I'll just write it up and fudge the details a bit. I bow to your honesty. :)

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  11. That is so hilarious...I'm sorry I laughed at this... but wow... ha ha ha. I remember all of that stuff! I loved the Guess jeans (stonewashed, of course). Too funny!

  12. You know, I HAVE big hair, nad spent my WHOLE LIFE trying to clm it down! Loved the whole story. Did Kevin keep in touch with Frank and Tracy? I think you made out pretty well, BTW.
    God Bless, E

  13. AnonymousJuly 01, 2008

    you are to funny! love your descripts and the mole ya should'a left there! =D i wonder how many of us have stories similar??

  14. Glad you had THIS flashback. It was fantastic writing :-)

  15. Great story! Sorry Frank/Fred was such a jerk.

    It's good that you can look back and be happy for them. I still have some memories from college that still make my blood boil to this day. I should probably let all that stuff go, huh?

  16. LOL - Hilarious! I'm of the 70's generation, so I had Farrah hair!

    I'm new to your site, compliments of AllMediocre. Keep up the good work!

  17. Oh Angie, this was delicious to read from beginning to end. And that friggin banana clip? OH HOW I FUTZED WITH THOSE THINGS TO NO AVAIL (they certainly didn't look as good as yours).

    Oh this was a certified hoot. And Frank? Blech to him.

  18. I have so many things to say.

    First of all, can I tell you that I was a cheerleader whose high school colors were kelly green and gold, and I WORE THAT VERY SAME CHEERLEADING skirt too! That is too weird my friend.

    Secondly, I am so sorry for the whole deal with "Frank". But seriously, you again win for the funniest retelling of a story that I have read tonight. I am on the floor.

    Finally, I was just so curious if someone (aka Brian) worked for CAT. Chet being part of a dealership for CAT he has been stuck in good old Peoria due to ice storms.

    Thanks for a perfect read tonight!!

  19. What a twisted tale of love...

    You had UNITS? You are so rich and cool (according to me at that time).

    And the banana clip is an absolute must.

    This was really cute and funny. Poor Angie.

  20. Hi Angie - thanks for coming by today. Hope you had a good day - see you - Kellan

  21. This was quite a melodrama. And the hair..oh, the hair!

    I've run into Jennifer Beals hiking a couple of times. She is lovely like you and doesn't have a perm anymore either.

  22. AnonymousJuly 02, 2008

    OK but were YOU dating anyone? I'm sure you had like 10 boys that wanted to go out with you.

    I LOVED my add a bead necklace and my gold shell ring :-)

    I had a college boyfriend too..but now I get an ick factor out of it.. I mean what 20 ish boy wants to date a 17ish year old.. There is a HUGE social difference you know? Mine was WAY worse than you. Me=15 and Him=19... ewww

  23. Hmmm...1989. I was 11. But that hair brings back lots of memories...

    And Frank WAS a jerk...even if older, mature Angie doesn't want to admit it now. :0)

    There, I said it, even if you didn't want to!

  24. AnonymousJuly 03, 2008

    Oh you were sooo right in pointing me in this direction!! I loved this.. the hair is perfection!!

    What a great story sure do know how to deliver one.

  25. That is hilarious. I'm shocked I never heard that story before during one of our drunken rants against men. Maybe we had enough to rant about with the current men in our life.

  26. The Add-a-Beads are burning my eyes! I had put those far, far back in my memories.

    I graduated in 1989, and I live in the midwest, so I was right there with you fashion-wise. I pictured that last event right in the gym of my high school.